I look better un-naked...
do you actually have a paper bowl full of broken glass and ecstasy or was that just a dream?
when you tell me you got me a birthday present, I have to assume it will show up in a drug test.
There are now half chewed girl scout cookies plastered to my windshield. Do you know anything about this?
New term. "Find a husband" fridays. It's like thirsty thursdays, but with a dowry.
All I can see in the pic you sent is white shorts...
Thas my pasnts in colleg! Tehy glow! AND SMELL LIKE BEER!
he's dressed up as pikachu 3 fucking years in a row and gotten laid each time. i don't understand
The shit I just took made me regret every life decision leading up to it.
I accidentally walked in the wrong house but I somehow left with a chicken leg. Good fucking night.
Is it wrong that I get drunk and let him eat me out then fall asleep? He offers me so much and yet I do nothing. I feel like a republican.
I have to go buy generic plan b after work. I don't even leave for the new semester for another 11 days. I think I just leveled up in sluttiness
Drunk Sam makes promises that Sober Sam can't keep
Ok. As long as I can keep Kevin contained to the room I'll be ok. If not u might have a naked puking Kevin at ur door
man sorry about that. It's like god was willing me to be an asshole. I haven't filled my quota for the day
just so you know they found you begging for money at the L station. What the fuck did you drink last night?
Randomize
