Phosphoglyceraldehydration... why the fuck is this a word
just tried to puke while my RA was trying to puke in the stall next to me.bonded for life
I'm just glad you're the only person I can have a "remember when we thought I was pregnant" conversation with.
Would it be tacky of me to tell the two girls I just found out he's been sleeping with on the side that I've been having gay sex with him all semester?
We won't have time to talk.. I'll be rolling you a blunt and you'll be getting naked.
Can I please come dance in my bra to destiny's child with you? I'll bring the wine and the glitter
I'd tell u there's strippers to make you get here faster, but that would be a blatant lie... There's strippers here.
It's Been a while since I puked in vomit bush. I hope it doesn't feel neglected
I just have to decide what I love more, food or dick.
I'm sitting next to the guy that peed in our drying machine
And I mean really who loses their phone in a tree
Did you mean to say flashlight? Or did your grandpa really give you a fleshlight for your bday?
I walked in on my sister eating my leftover burrito naked. How could my night have gotten any worse?
We were all having a bath, the three of us, then that drug dealer guy walked in and peed. Sitting down. Apparently he didn't want to offend us.
drunk boyfriend and drunk me are NOT meant for each other
Randomize
