i now understand why he chose to have sex with my friend rather then me after lookin in the mirror this morning. and id do the same thing.
just apologized to a random stranger while waiting in line for coffee. last night was that drunk
there may or may not be knives in your bed. I would check
I hate when people see you passed out in your front yard and call 911. Like what, you can't take a nap face down on your steps at 4pm?
Leaving your birthday party to engage in a threesome IS allowed. I checked the rule book.
so apparently going to a christian rock concert dressed as Jesus is horribly inappropriate.
Since he's sober and out of jail, he acts like we are the worst people on Earth. Fuck him, the only acceptable time in life to do coke is the early twenties. He won't take that from us.
If someone made a breakfast cereal that was a cross between lucky charms and fruity pebbles and called it unicorn power with a huge fucking rainbow and a unicorn standing in a pot of gold on the box, they would be rich. Not only monetarily but spiritually as well...
I tried to suck your dick underwater and almost drowned
I peed outside 4 times after the bar, safe to say I had great night
The stripper was super into me until she pulled out my tits then I realized.... This bitch is just using my ass to get MORE TIPS
That's why my boobs are so big, they're full of secrets.
Text me some of your sweat
You fell while talking to a cop, then proceeded to acuse him of tripping you... he was arresting you for public intox.
Would you say that skipping class and sitting alone in my room singing One Direction to myself and sobbing is an acceptable way to deal with the break-up
Randomize
