Did you go home with that guy without me?
Sorry boo - it's pouring and I found a boy with a car
I woke up and she had washed, dried, folded my clothes, cooked me breakfast, and had started cleaning my room
haha, you sure you didnt fuck your mom?
When he came he sounded like a flock of birds hitting puberty
As im putting my laundry in the machine, i find a solo cup and a pong ball that i signed babe ruth
if youre pregnant and ruin my spring break i'll never forgive you.
doing laundry. just found my fishnets from Friday. the ENTIRE crotch is torn out. guess that answers the "did we have sex in the cab" question.....
And fyi howling is not an acceptable form of communication.
These girls just walked into this party as reverse cowgirls... Wearing cowboy clothes all backwards
had a dream that i inhaled my pet bird and started choking. Then I tried smoking from a bong and suddenly I smoked myself inside out. this is what happens when I don't smoke weed. my brain can't function!
I remember looking at his body and thinking wow you have a body sculpted by Jesus himself. Still not sure if I said that out loud or not
You're still my best friend even though you continue to pass out on random toilets every time you drink
This makes me appreciate being single with no prospects.
EVEN AFTER ALL THAT COMPLAINING... STILL NO PENIS
I ate all your munchie Mac and Cheese cause you left me on the lawn. If you don't want it to happen gain, drag my drunk ass inside next time
I just tried to lit a bowl with my chapstick.
Randomize
