my mom just walked in on me furiously masturbating while reading twilight. needless to say, im officially out of the closet.
Sex on bubble wrap = best decision ever.
Been at work for four hours and just discovered the chairs in my office double as a napping surface. Most productive thing I've done all day
I'm finding that as the end of the quarter approaches, the list of things I refuse to do sober keeps getting longer.
Fuck him for salsa, please. I heard its a good recipe.
Nothing like playing hide and seek with a state patrol officer early in the morning to get your heart rate up.
All three roommates are gay and in women's studies. Ive already been informed that all penetration is rape. This is not the college experience I signed up for.
Like, what's the customary waiting period to hookup with your newly single ex that you never stopped hooking up with?
So bored. I think I've expelled every last gram of jizz from my body.
Sexting Captain while emailing my eharmony match about my low key weekend is hard.
just sex-dialed 911. that's 34 seconds of dignity i will never get back.
We stopped mid-sex and both shotgunned a beer then got back to it. Is this what love feels like?
he brought with him gifts of cookie dough and penis. upgrading our relationship from fwb's to bf/gf was an incredibly smart merger.
Your youporn search history says otherwise.
last night I learned that if you try to buy tacos in this town, that you will be stopped by three cop cars with breathalizers
Randomize
