A guy at the bar bought me a jag bomb because I'm the chick that frosts his donuts at KT. Never have I been more proud of being a failure at life.
I just peed on my pajamas. Its gonna be a long night. Don't forget the cookies.
you're close to getting here right? Because if you're still not here and I have to get dressed to answer the door for the pizza guy, i'm tipping him $100 on your credit card to spite you
Does anyone know who that girl who fell backwards and broke the shoe rack with her head was?
Best dream ever last night. You moved here. Your Spanish name meant highway. Your favorite food was styrofoam.
High gym went like this: I went to Dairy Queen instead.
How do I enter a double puke and rally into my calorie counter?
I woke up to 76 pages of e's, r's, d's, and f's from when I fell asleep for 3 hours on my laptop keyboard trying to write that paper.
Just watched a guy ride a bike off his roof into his pool. On my way to the liquor store, picking you up in 20
Its mothers day, andI woke up with 12 bar stamps on my face, holding orange juice and a box of tampons. This can not be happening
It's not even close to Halloween but there is a girl in a nurses outfit. Twerk or twat.
Dude. I've never been with a guy who just wanted to go down on me all the time including while I'm shooting zombies on call of duty. My life is complete.
I just had sex with the male version of myself. looks, mindset, even our boob to dick ratio was the same
We are gonna have a bake sale and the preceded will go towards the abortion
You spent the whole night conversing with your zombie poster, so I'd say you were pretty far gone.
Randomize
