I seem to have left my pride at pride
Never drink rum straight from the bottle, even if people say it'll make you a pirate. It won't: it'll make you a bumbling shitfaced idiot who just drank rum straight from the bottle.
I'm worried I'm going to miss my flight so I set a series of alarms on my phone to act as checkpoints to make sure I'll be there. 2am-stop drinking; 4am-stop fucking stephanie, get some sleep; 5am-wake up, fuck stephanie once more; 6am-get to the airport
the cops didn't wanna shut the tailgate down but the strippers weren't allowed to take money without a license or somthing
Woke up with my foot jammed into a VCR
Take advantage man but know that every anal bead u drop inside her will make her love u 2% more. It's science
Some old truck driver just made me smell his beard I hope tonight turns out better
You would be so proud at how green we're being. Re-using last night's jello shot containers.. saving the world one step at a time
SORRY FOR THE CAPS. I DIDNT CHANGE IT IN TIME AND ITS TOO FAR TO GO BACK NOW. PS IM SUPER BAKED
I found a new button on my vibrator, tonight was a success
you never un-have a 4some
All I want is a wedding with a dress and a veil and where I can go and my cat can go.
he told me he had a gf and in the very next sentence asked if I wanted to have sex.
I was simply suggesting that you really should try coke bondage sex.
the cop found his r2d2 bong and asked me if i ever smoked out of him. i'm like, no sir. he's like ahh. if i were to smoke, it'd definitely be out of some star wars character.
easily made my night.
Randomize
