He had a stripper pole in his bedroom. I didn't know whether to be impressed or creeped out.
debating whether or not to save the package from my first plan b pill. it would be a nice addition to any baby book.
I just remembered our "im drunk enough to look at your vagina" conversation. Is that offer still valid? I really think I need a second opinion
they bet me shots that I couldn't give people piggyback rides around the club just cause I'm 125lbs and a girl...I had a line forming after the third guy.
Based on the fact my iPad is covered in pizza, I'm going to assume I ate pizza last night
God dammit not the cupcake channel. Not when I'm high.
Besides he said his dick was as big as a loaf of bread and that it was broken. So I was like u have half a head of hair and a broken dick that looks like bread. No thanks. Im good.
I am going to buy some m-80's and keep a bucket of them in the bathroom. That way I can just depth charge the toilet before each time I use it. Lets see how those snakes like cheap Chinese explosives
I just want to nap and funnel a bottle of wine in a cute dress
Apparently 24 hr fitness frowns upon the ingestion of psychedelics on its premises, don't see that in the sign up contract.
Just accidentally walked into a parade for Jesus
all I remember is grinding on everyone in the room regardless of gender and quoting the lion king non-stop. We need to stop buying Jameson.
Yeah everywhere i go i feel like a 3rd or 5th or (2n+1)th wheel. That's right, i'm a mathematically depressed drunk.
A dozen naked frat boys in squirrel masks just ran by. Welcome to the official start of the holidays.
All she said was "Do me by Friday."
Randomize
