yay america 4th of july drinking game. take a drink every time you hear or see a firework, finish your drink for a mention of mj or the gosselins, a shot for the words democracy,hope, freedom, terrorism
i just got cum up my nose. i would have expected more from the captain of the men's lacrosse team
I came downstairs to find I had missed the 3some on my kitchen floor but not the pukefest or ER trip after it. This is what happens when the voice of reason is otherwise occupied
She just passive-aggressively stripped in the kitchen while humming the theme to Doug.
I'm walking home wearing Kermit the frog footie pajamas, carrying a monogrammed shot glass set with my name on it. It's fucking Christmas!
No more jager for that guy. He jacked the neighbor kids big wheel, rode around making jet noises, then passed out behind the wheel and rolled it and broke his wrist
At my eighteen year old cousin's wedding. Getting hit on by a 9 year old. No one knows who he came with. I'm pretty sure he just showed up from the field behind the church. Help.
And think got sick again from going outside naked. Word to all females...don't try the naked trench coat thing.
I'm sure I'll run in to him again, there's only so many VA detoxes.
just imagine me sitting naked on a toilet with a fully-clothed dude i havent seen in 2 years, trying to make normal conversation except that im covered in blood and he's helping wipe me down while i try not to pass out because blood makes me NERVOUS. And he's apologizing and i'm apologizing.
When I go out tonight I need to make sure to be really good. The Easter bunny doesn't deliver to jail
I have really important information for you regarding the furry convention this weekend
I may not have my dignity, pride or sanity but I have my pants.
I can't believe we broke the fucking lamp.
*i* can't believe believe we broke the lamp fucking.
I was so high I forgot how to swallow food, and I just kept thinking "thank god its just mashed potatoes, they'll go down eventually"
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