I woke up this morning next to some guy. I was horrified, he woke up and said, "the white tiger strikes again!"
I may be the first guy in history to get dome while watching An Extremely Goofy Movie.
You tried to call "time out" during the sobriety test.
I cannot believe he got soft mid fuck. I just hope he bought that horrible impression you did of my dad. I love you though, you came in clutch tonight.
It was the least I could do after throwing up in your purse.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I take it that, because we are not guzzling a box of franzia, everything went alright?
He came over hammered at four in the morning with roses trying to get me back when my new fling opened the door he just stood there crying for 40mins even after we closed the door
I was woken up in my old house by the new residents ... I don't even have a Key anymore
Well, during the ride home I had to personally apologize to both of her breasts.
I almost took a picture but it looked like he might have a shank and I'm just not at a place in my life where I could handle having tetanus
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
put something nutritious in your body. AND NOT JUST THAT JOINT.
This is not the first time I've recognized my body is subconsciously trying to make pizza.
How do I put this... You're dating Ricky from Trailer Park Boys. Stop eye-fucking him and actually listen to what he says for once. He actually said "I self-learned that myself, basically" while rolling a joint. He's worse than your unskilled magician ex that accidentally cut off three of his own fingers
Please come to class. I miss you and I have a horse mask
You gonna smoke this blunt? Or are you gonna keep doing Kung-fu in my kitchen?
I have to stay away from bourbon. Despite what it keeps telling me, it is NOT my friend.
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