Oh please, I could turn a Vienna Boys Choir concert into a shit show
Then all the boys were saying that they were amazed at how much i could smoke...i'm so proud of myself
Okay you totally passed out. Ask me about the bike parking garage and the expired baby formula in the morning.
I love waking up with his head head between my legs, it makes me feel special
See this is what happens when we don't have sex everyday
Just hit a cone using a lit sparkler. Tastes like I might die but it was magical.
Nothing will ever prepare you for the moment when you are sitting on your friends bathroom floor with no pants on eating string cheese & pita at 2am.
Ive consumed more rum studying for law school finals than I did that time I fucked that fat chick in the back of VW Beetle. It's all ugly, but for different reasons.
I'm sorry but you're choosing a girl that faked a pregnancy when you wouldn't return her calls over a more attractive sane girl who you begged for a chance with last week? God you're a loser.
Fun fact: drinking me now steals weaponry
yeah, I'm getting gagged by the cock of fate
You sent 2 glasses of water to the table next us and told to the waitress they were on you. I repeat: water
You know your Halloween costume is slutty when you have to shave your pubes to wear it.
So i woke up this morning to find my boss passed out on my living room floor.. Awkward? Haha
Sorry for trying to wake you up by slapping your ass with a fruit 2 go.
Randomize
