oh well we may not be friends on facebook but at least i got laid
I'd do that. But we would need storm trooper helmets.
It was a legit night tell he threw a snowball in the bar, thats when I knew it was time to go to the next bar.
my mom just walked in on me in the shower doing the "ass hair shave" pose.
From scraping the remnants from a coke bag at a lingerie party to meeting with an 80 year old man to discuss civil rights all in under 12 hours bizarrely feels like the epitome of my life
A girl at the bar is wearing green body paint instead of a shirt. Where are you?!
Holy shit there is too much Taco Bell here to talk to you
You should be glad you didn't come with last night. I watched pirate porn for the first time in my life as the 9th wheel.
Dude Carly, it's like, inconvinent how often you cause me to have an erection
She's legally too young to drink and was making out with a guy who is ethically too old to drink.
We met some guy at the beach, and dug a hole with him. He invited us to "come back at night and smoke a blunt in this hole"
Your vagina felt like having sex with thanksgiving mashed potatoes. The best kind of mashed potatoes
so how was it...?
sadly not as impressive as one might expect from a division one athlete. he lacked the stamina i had hoped for, and by lacked i do mean he fell asleep while he was still inside me. an epic wtf moment, i know.
so i showed up to the bars in a sombrero and a tie as a headband... so yeah, they didn't let me in
A guy just threw up in my lecture of 500 ppl and just got up and walked away
Randomize
