Who has a tranny cab driver? I have a tranny cab driver.
The good thing about walking home in a dress on sunday morning is that people mistake my walk of shame as a walk to God.
Just saw two girls doing a walk of shame together. Slut bonding at it's best.
at what point did putting a bag of doritos in the freezer seem like a really good idea?
There are sesame seeds in my vagina. This cannot be explained with logic.
I am making a budget for 2012. Should condoms be in the insurance or entertainment category?
What are you doing? Because if it happens to be drinking, or even any activity that rhymes with "drinking", I'll be over in 5.
How have I seen you throw up on yourself 3 different times, yet we weren't Facebook friends until I accidentally hooked up with your ex?
MY TITS ARE PERFECTLY CALM.
He woke me up holding a gallon of apple juice and a shot glass...
I've amended my previous statement: I'm not allowed to put in my two weeks till I ask out the waitress. Now I have motivation on two levels
All I wanted to do was come home from work and masturbate for national sex day... I sliced my the tip of finger giving myself a pedicure so I can’t even do that #singlelife
School supplies are right next to the margarita mix at target. Its a sign
I’m lazy so obviously looking like a rotisserie chicken is my favourite position
I like that they’re all named Christopher or Chris. No need to worry about moaning during!
Randomize
