I didn't say she couldn't, I said you shouldn't.
The only way I could have failed my exam worse is if there would have been a drug test portion
As a general rule, drunkenness and gymnastics do not mix.
I peed in my sheets during a dream. Like straight up. A whole new drunk.
Safe to say I relapsed into my old chatroulette drunk flashing days.
Twas the night before the bachelor party, and all thru the house...not a creature was stirring, not even a stripper?...
An don't say it's "personal preference" cause I don't buy it. I just want to have normal cool guy balls. I don't want to be the dude that's still rocking the equivalent of the "mid 90's bowl cut" of scrotum haircuts.
I wish university was like frosh week all the time and then they just give you a degree for surviving
You, me, naked, mistletoe, fifth of jack, gallon of lube, condoms, Cheetos, handcuffs, rope, along with no morals, inhibition or judgment. That's all I want for Christmas.
My gynecologist just said "don't worry, this won't be as hard as…well…" A FUCKING SEX JOKE NO
You told him about your cats? I told his friend to put his dick in my mouth, and you talked about cats!?
I can only rely on you and Taco Bell
Last night I went outside to our neighbors and asked them to put in money with me to get a hot tub for our patio. Niceeeee
They kept freaking out that you were missing and potentially having sex.. like it was a bad thing. Got fed up with hearing it so i just yelled "ITS HER BIRTHDAY AND SHE CAN FUCK IF SHE WANTS TO!" They gave me unnecessary looks. I thought it was acceptable.
All I did today was eat pizza and use my vibrator.
Randomize
