you just used a box of cheese-its to get into the bar
Just think about it this way, every time you work Sunday, it's another $75 and that equals another hooker when we go to Amsterdam.
I just noticed she took the "toys" too. That's how you know when it's really over.
Your the only friend that would realize I'm gonna get drunk and send coke to me at a bar before I made drunken phone calls for it. You sir complete me.....
Yeah got a self inflicted broken nose.
I'm going to join a nudist colony to win $1000. There are no down-sides to this.
Does buying my brother condoms for Christmas say "keep having sex with her, I like her" or "dear god, do not get this girl pregnant"?
Really stoned me is having a very serious, intent conversation with my mom about egg rolls and koolaid flavors.
And when I feel bad about myself I go to the library and suck my pen over an open book, counting the seconds until a guy sits across from me and tries to get my attention
I find him attractive in the absolute weirdest way. Like I need him to do my taxes, but I also feel like I should spill things on him to gain his attention and then lick it off to gain his affection.
I sucked his dick by a creek, how romantic.
Um, when I went down on you it got stuck there. Still had gum in my mouth. Didn't exactly have use of my hands to assist
Just because I also want a blowjob doesn't mean I don't want to just see you too.
I like to make sure they know it's casual by giving then a high five after sex
Yes, the maid of honor did just deep throat the mic during the toast. How do I follow that?
Randomize
