this kid just came up to me and asked me if i wanted to play truth or aids with him and his friends. i'm in
also, you're talking to the girl for whom "deformed baby arm" wasn't quite a dealbreaker.
just got waxed at a place I havent been to in a while
woman didnt remember me then in the middle of waxing she announced that she just didnt recognize my face
you turned on the Care Bears movie at 5am and kept screaming "I CARE"
should I fuck that poor girl
no dude she won't be able to afford a fucking abortion
just realized the sink is the perfect height to piss into never cleaning the toilet again
Just turned elections for the sorority into a drinking game. Right on.
You kept whispering "Party Dave" every time someone would start talking.
The kind of drunk where you put two tampons in thinking that it'll last me longer ...
Nothing says I love you like a silicone dragon dick
I'm sorry I put my balls through your watch. On another note your roommate had them on his shoulder too sry
I mean, I've had her boob in my mouth, but is that romance?
And change of plans today, I'm gonna lay in bed and eat taco bell and try not to die. Brazilians another day.
Can u pick up some lemons on the way? I have Tequila and a sore throat..I need them for both
He gave his liver a pep talk before the vodka chugging started
Randomize
