It's really too bad Cosmo doesn't have "What To Do When You've Drunkenly Sucked His Dick and He Doesn't Text You Back" article.
I just saw two girls throwing up in the bathroom. they were high-fiving under the stall...
If your dick isn't up when i get home you're catching tonight.
it's too soon in the relationship to think about him when i masturbate. so i think about his dad instead.
All I've consumed over the last couple days is Vanilla Coke, semen, and Coors. I don't think today will be any different.
Note for the future: whiskey syrup is AMAZING on 3am pancakes.
Can you please reassure him im not a scary or intimidating person? And that really my entire life is a series of completely ridiculous events that have led me here?
I told him to pick up the beer can he threw in front of the police station. So he gets out chugs whatever's left and throws it back and says ok let's go.
Did you catch one of my beer pong balls in your cleavage or was that a dream?
Rule 1: If any of us dies on a trip, the other two have to 'Weekend at Bernies' the shit outta that corpse...
When you licked the fourth stranger's cheek the bar tender pretty much ordered us to get you out.
If that orgasm indicates how the rest of the year is going to go, I need to buy rain boots.
We need to borrow someone's dog. Just so we can non-creepily go to PetSmart and watch all the other dogs take photos with Santa
Just stole my moms weed, left a note saying sorry.. Hope she isn't mad.
I told you that we shouldn't have sex. You said "its okay I already saw you pee" apparently that was convincing
Randomize
