Do you think they'll have a special part during the BET awards for Michael Jackson even though he turned white?
he kept kneeing me like he was playing footsies... only then i realized it was his dick.
Tears do usually get me what I want. That and oral sex.
It was like my butthole was peeing. Felt comforting yet not fulfilling.
So you know how craigslist used to have an "erotica" section? And how after you click on a link it changes a darker color? And how Dad stays up really late most nights?
Oh god... well at least he's gettin some. Mom's a prude.
I had a dream that the allstate guy hooked up with flo from the pregressive insurance commercials and she gave birth to the geico gecco. I need to stop taking ambian.
Five Mah tais Laser and i skill have not drunk dial you
I just got sparklers from my secret santa. Drunken sledding just got to a whole new level of dangerous
"lets watch the sunrise" turned into "lets have sex on the roof at six thirty in the morning"
Why is there a keg in our kitchen? I'm not complaining but why is there a keg in our kitchen?
But for future reference, it might help your game if you don't tell the girl you're trying to get on your dick that she's "not the worst thing you've ever seen"
Holy. Fuck. This mans mouth is magical. I love married men. I don't have to teach them.
I held the blackjack dealer's hand and told the old asian woman she was 'soft to the touch, but cold as ice"
This drunk lesbian I just met keeps trying to shove sushi in my mouth. Help.
I've struck affair-gold. He's hot, he's ripped, he doesn't want a relationship, and most importantly he won't have to ask Gods permission to bang me like the last religious nut job did.
Randomize
