u sent me just one boob. one just doesnt do it for me. u dont get full on a half a rack of ribs u need a full one
Every time my boyfriend threatens to commit suicide I change my relationship status as "widowed".
he was fingering the outside of my pants..i knew that was my cue to leave
The way I see it, if i don't fail the midterm and blow off some of the projects, how else am I going to get motivated to study for the final ?
Just had to explain to a senior manager why I had duct tape residue on my wrist and hand. This weekend was a success.
At what point should shame kick in? Realising I had a one night stand with a man engaged or realising I am that man's wedding photographer?
Missed another period
I almost hope you're pregnant, this is unfair.
Put you drinking hat aside for Tuesday. My buddy is bartending!
I just puked in my drinking hat.
I broke stuart's oven and showed up to the party with a squirrel.
He puked in the funnel and continued to chug it. Who is this dude?
I'm using my ex bfs phone number to look up his Kroger card so I can get a discount on condoms...yep this is my life
Tbh the only thing I was fully concerned about from the dream was what type of fucked up parallel universe doesn't have Coca-Cola
She's blowing me while I'm watching air jaws. I love shark week.
I walked outside and found some random guy passed out on our front porch. We managed to acquire the 12 pack of lagers he had so it's all good.
I just had a morning three-some with marijuana and a detachable shower-head
Randomize
