Have you learned any life lessons?
I like big butts and I cannot lie.
Oh. Thats cool. Im not dating anyone right now. Sean gave me chlamydia from some GUY he fooled around with. Im being abstinent.
She was kinda tragic... like a puppy that runs into things. Cute but really stupid. So, yeah, I hit it.
ok perfect im about to bedazzle our mini keg named hans. he is ready to rage
I have to be at work in a hour. Can you sufficiently fuck me in 35 minutes?
Heard you had a bad day. I have vodka, chocolate and my dick here ready to put a smile back on your face.
Well, my breasts are swollen and I cried about the Iditarod. But I say PMS until proven pregnant.
I stared at him for a solid five minutes because he looked like what I imagine god would look like if god was a lumberjack
Though I don't usually want to turn down ladies who want to liquify my clothing with their eyes, I made an exception.
Why am I cleaning the house twerking to anaconda wearing a bears jersey and helmet?
Okay so the couple who keep propositioning people for threeways are def siblings not bf/gf
So are you gonna do it or no you said they're hot
No, you are in the clear. The police officer finally just said "I give up" and walked away.
I have never in my life been turned down for sex until this weekend.
Welcome to my everyday.
We gotta locate my vibrators and get them stashed away STAT
Well he had a nice beard and it smelled good so there was no way I wasn’t going home with him.
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