i've come to the conclusion that there is no classy way to apply chloroseptic spray to your butthole.
He kept asking me to take off my bra and I sat up so he could. He fumbled with it for a few minutes and when I sighed and went to undo it he goes, "Yeah, you got this."
well..after leaving the bar you handed me your wallet and said you didnt need it cause you were going to find the cash cab and added 'i'll see you on tv'
I told him to show me what he was made of and he came on my face. law students are so technical.
if it walks like a guido and talks like a guido, i'm gonna fuck it.
After we had sex he bought me grape soda. I think I'll keep him.
I spent an hour trying to convert bar outfits to church outfits. Its hard.
Middle of vacation, he walked into an audition for a Broadway musical in a drunken stupor. I think he got the part.
My younger brother just got high fives from all my guy cousins for fucking my best friend. I hate family gatherings.
somehow he and i always have our deepest conversations after phone sex.
hes that one kid that offered to spoon after staring at me for 5 minutes
Aaand now my client contact has seen your boobs.
You don't know the true meaning of fear until your girlfriend's niece insists on sitting on your lap with 20 mg of Viagra coursing through your veins.
My one night stand from last weekend is now taking me on a date this weekend. How is this my life?
I didn't really break out of the friend zone, as much as I blasted the doors off with high explosives and rode through on a grizzly bear...
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