after he gave me a diploma for giving him amazing head, getting a regular diploma isnt all that cool.
I have never smelled more like a drunk mariachi band than I do right now.
I woke up in the ER. This living like theres no tomorrow really could mean theres no tomorrow.
Beautiful fucking linguistics Shakespeare, but youre still not doing that to my face
Nvm, he just almost drank his drink from last night, his drink that has the condom in it. Kinda answers my question.
I feel like you guys are talking about real things and have real problems and I'm just over here like 'should I take muscle relaxers or get drunk tonight?'
Well, I watched a girl proposition a shit ton of people, try to take a cocktail waitresses job and then proceed to walk into a wall. Damn, I'm a little jealous.
Interesting occurrence: the application I use to keep track of my periods and sexual encounters just notified me it had been over 4 months since you were logged as an active partner and ask if I'd like to remove you from my options. Wow, kmsl.
my last search of the night was "the physics of green eggs and ham" what the fuck
She literally took off her shirt and ran out of the bar. When she ran back she smashed into the glass door with her face....That's got to be the best way to celebrate your 30th.
Went to 7-11 to buy condoms with the $20 I found on the ground outside Rite Aid. A good day for drug stores
I better make out with at least 3 princesses and 4 animals this weekend.
As a courtesy going forward if you could not bang in my house that would be nice
Danny put 5 hr energy in the jungle juice (that brilliant bastard) and I almost showed my penis to Alex. It was a rough night.
So... he's my second cousin's step-bro... To do or not to do?
Randomize
