I just saw a midget ride by on a scooter...wearing a bowtie and a helmet. My life is complete.
I just farted in the dogs face to show him who's boss
I've spent too much of my life staring at my bberry and counting to 5 to see if it blinks
Ok so the guy below me is either having sex very loudly or is very lonely
so i just drove past a racoon and a kid on a long board... god i love 4am white castle runs
you were asking all the dicks on chatroulette if they had daddy issues
All I remember is saying that "fire will make it all better"
Need to stop getting stoned with this chick, I keep waking up covered in pizza sauce
I made a drinking game out of watching your DUI video, everytime you say " okay, well thats just your opinion"
I've been meaning to ask you. The first night in the city did we do key bumps with a suicidal homeless man? My memory is fuzzy
we came up with a wnba drinking game. take a shot every play that you could've done better. won't make it through 1st quartar
I didn't think four grown drunk men could cuddle on a twin size bed, but we found a way.
She just got on the scale. frowned, got off and took off her pants and then got back on
i want to platonically make out with them, platonically. in the back of this minivan
I’ve developed a strange interest in ear wax removal vids on YouTube. Dear god, I need to get a job
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