i called her out for picking her nose in public and he still wonders why i don't like her!
i told her my name was noah and she leans in and whispers "that makes me so wet." ive never been more thankful for the Notebook
are you just going to ignore any texts involving my penis from now on? because thats going to shut down a pretty sizeable portion of our conversations.
it took me 2 minutes to realize that it wasn't HER hand on my penis. First, and worst threesome ever..
Just had to throw up on the floor of my car during traffic on the way to work. Car next to me saw both times. Found the downside to having a job right after graduation.
Dude your not gonna get by security covered in blood wearing only a robe
Don't worry I'm drunk they won't say anything
She said I looked exactly like my dad. Then she made out with me. Should I be questionable?
I had to put a towel over my laptop because the little power light was too bright. New hangover low.
Please tell me joes at work safe and sound and doesn't smell like jail?
I almost had a threesome in a giant beanbag chair. I love college.
I am luring the porn star to my house with chicken!
Your youporn search history says otherwise.
That butt dial turned into a booty call.
This is a hangover from hell. Delivered by the devil himself.
if my 20s were a chapter in my autobiography, it would be called "the room is spinning and my hands smell like dick"
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