if you like me you must not know who I am
I haven't gotten laid in forever. I'm obsessed. I imagine I this is how Ethopians feel about food.
I can see my step sister's thong. Don't know if I should let myself be turned on or not
I really wish i had a penis so i could dick slap that bitch right now
He said I came instead of I'm coming. I wonder if he noticed my state of confusion when I stopped blowing him.
Wasn't he an English major?
"Take a picture of me motorboating molly" was probably not my best career move
She's pissed. She declared she was moving out and proceeded to pack 3 pairs of shoes, her electric wine opener and ONE sock. Then told us to have fun paying her portion of the rent.
Sometime between a drunk guy asking me if I'm a Beach person or a lake person WHILE HIS HAND WAS IN HIS FUCKING PANTS or breaking up a lady fight over peewee football league I started to reevaluate my life and self
Well the police had to intervene and I couldn't exactly feel my legs by the end of the night, but I'd say it was a successful Friday night.
I wish you would stop telling everyone that your cock turned me into a Bears fan.
There are no female cereal mascots. I just realized that in my drunken state... So sexist...
I'm pretty sure I broke my breathalyzer by breathing vaporized vodka into it.
Got drunk tryed walking 12miles to zacks house woke up at noon on baseball park
i just want a beer and a blow job. is that so much to ask?
and i just want a ring so i can stop faking it. is that?
Note to self: I can rip apart her vagina and she'll still cuddle with me, but if I steal her Chapstick she'll murder me !?
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