three words: i give head
three words: not that well
Classy. Drunk on alcoholic "energy drink" at work before 8 am on a Tuesday. Between that and hanging out in bars with no pants on, your life is beginning to sound like a Bukowski novel.
then they caught me trying to hide the turtle in the fridge
But it's a terrible idea. One erection and it's gonna go wrong
He was the drug dealer that jumped out of his car to get my number
come to Starbucks. I'm the fat girl eating a whole pizza sitting on the ground
He blended the pizza with water and drank the whole thing. He is my hangover hero
Nothing says I'll be 22 tomorrow like washing the vomit out of your hair at 4pm
Chicks before dicks must only mean American dicks
My walk of shame was four miles long and I had to stop for a water break. I am the picture of class.
I DMed the cop that arrested me to come unlock my keys out if my car today
I hope you get stoned and think that you're a seal in shark infested waters
I've only hooked up with engineers this year and it may be the best future financial decision I've ever made
don't worry dude i have your phone, text me when youre gonna come get it
I threw up in 4 different Starbucks across the city before 9 am.
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