chris hansen is no longer pursuing child predators.let's celebrate
i'll bring the hard lemonade and lube
Fake titties should be able inflate and deflate like tires. So on Saturday you can put on your Double D hooker titties or Sunday put on your size B church tits.
I'm at McDonalds and when I walked up to the register the guy said "I'm so sorry." Before I said a word. That's how bad my hangover is.
I'm going to buy you a pony but under one condition: you have to name it sarah jessika parker
No our divorce decree will not have a blow job clause. Unless my alimony is greatly increased your bj's have been reduced to fantasy status.....
I was woken up in my old house by the new residents ... I don't even have a Key anymore
The boys wrestled in the living room for the last condom while the girls chanted, "THE LAST MELON."
are you just inviting me because you can't afford an actual stripper?
The last thing I searched on my phone was "leave in conditioner on cats." This is where my life is.
It was 6am and he went immediately for the 69. WTF?? 6am is WAY to early for acrobatics.
The exact people you expect to find at a bar at 2pm are here. Come visit. We'd really like the company.
How drunk you think somebody has to be, that they think that putting out a profile pic like that can be even a slightly good idea?
You guys do the cocaine and I'll do the dishes.
This woman at the blackjack table is sitting on a pile of newspaper so she can pee at her seat and never miss a hand.
Clearly the Stanley Cup Finals good luck hand job IS necessary. You let the whole team down.
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