if you're gona send my txt to that site at least change my area code plz
you sent me 45 texts saying "meow?"
did i?
Update: Discussing lingerie with my father. He likes sheer black things. Not into the colorful stuff I wear.
He told me to fart on his lap because the vibrations turned him on
Hurry up. We're trading phones to prevent drunk texting.
i cleaned out my closet and found 7 beers from 2007. ive had 3 so far.
swear to god some girl just crawled out of the washing machine. this is intense.
ok, my life is complete.... the cops AND the paramedic just made a Mean Girls reference...
As his dick went in he shouted GOAL at the top of his voice.
The condom broke. Its OK tho, turns out I was just humping her thigh for 20 minutes. Jager dude, Jager.
him and the cab driver we buy e from got into a fist fight, about which show is better, futurama or family guy.
Nooo, I ran into two if my exes, both having their engagement parties at the bar. It was like a fucking Eskimo family reunion, but with more tequila.
She's takin more dicks this month than I have in my life by the sounds of it
Why am I a human magnet for the worst dicks of the world?
Just went to jump into bed... Completely missed the bed.
Randomize
