the fundamentals of my vasectemy are strong
Just saw two guys having a lawn mower race, and their girlfriends cheering them on. Get me out of Tehachapi,
Hey cutie is the game almost over? I'm making dinner for us it'll be ready soon. Xox
You would rather make fucking dinner than watch a hockey game that rivals the epic-ness of miracle, the one of the biggest upsets in sport history? Babe I don't know if I can date a girl with such terrible priorities.
Why do I feel like that's not the first time you've drank champagne with someone dressed as a unicorn?
To say he's a good fuck is like saying the beatles had a bit of success. My vag is still mourning the fact he moved.
He had a beer bottle in each of his back pockets and was on rollerblades. All I remember is following him for about 10 minutes
if you really don't think our country's going to shit think of this. Exactly one year from now I will either be in law school or teaching young, impressionable kids, maybe even yours. Try to sleep after that.
Clearly that person doesn't understand how efficient getting drunk and working out at the same time is.
You are NEVER going to guess whose penis was JUST in my mouth!!!
I'll give you a hint, we ate paste with him in kindergarten.
So he noticed that I cut a half inch off of my hair. Guess who just earned himself some road head on the way to the twin cities?
Oh dear. If we're both hearing alien sounds then perhaps they're real.
Xanax and full house Tuesday is now Percocet Sunday
The true debate: do I prioritize going to bed and getting more than six hours of sleep or do I prioritize washing out various grease, leaf bits, and jizz out of my hair
You wrapped yourself in tin-foil and told us you were Iron Man. I have pictures.
You ever have a fart follow you around?
Randomize
