Solid performance last night. Wanna be fuck buddies?
if your leaving for the weekend then im farting on your pillow
this morning i woke up with my panties on and i knew where i was. success.
Last night, my friend changed all my contacts in my phone. I have been texted by Batman, Donatello, and Hermione Granger. I have no idea who they are, and it doesn't upset me at all.
First time i ever had an awkward silence during sex.
After I threw him out he walked down the street peeing in stride. I almost wanted to let him back in.
Also, I had a dream I had a ray gun and woke up holding my dick.
I'm pretty sure you thought I could absorb alcohol through my dress
She just tagged pictures of you wrapped in the "above the influence banner" like a toga.
Cops busted the party. A kid dressed as a dinosaur tried to crawl out the bathroom window but his tail got stuck. It took 3 cops to pry him out.
I have bruises all over from falling so much last night, I even have bruises on my arms from them picking me up off the street.. Oh vodka nights.
OPIZZABONMYDICK
I lost all interest the day she banged that guy in the Amazon parking lot. That's a special kinda whore.
You thought they were asking for volunteers for a karaoke contest so you jumped up not realizing it was actually a "last 3 minutes boxing match". But you took that right hook like a champ.
He tried to do a JoJo pose and wound up breaking his wrist in the process. Truly a story for the ages.
Randomize
