Just chased the kids into the backyard with kitchen knives. Best. Babysitters. Ever.
It's offcial there's a Bobby Light radio station on pandora.
Why wouldn't u just let me ride the washing machine
DID YOU JUST COME OUT THROUGH A FACEBOOK COMMENT??
Got home. Hugged Mom. The look on her face indicated she noticed nipple rings.
Please tell me why your entire hallway smells like microwaved condoms.
In honor of the internet blackout, I think everyone needs to change their Facebook pictures to ones of them being blacked out.
I GOT A VENDING MACHINE FOR OUR LIVING ROOM
You got into a heated argument about Frankenstein's intelligence while double fisting burritos from taco bell.
i told her i wanted to be the Neil Armstrong of her vagina,
I'm hoping my engineering degree will pay off when I invent porn watching in the shower
The two of us decided to throw a spur-of-the-moment parade and the next thing I know we're 4 miles down the road being followed by 65 drunk strangers
Have you ever just woke up in the morning and felt pregnant
girl pulled up to the stop sign, got out, threw up all over my hood said happy thanksgiving then drove off
and eventually we just all took our pants off
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