WHY DID I DRINK ALL THE INGREDIENTS FOR VOMIT?!
She woke me up, whispered "I like the size of your dick", kissed me, and rolled over and went back to sleep
Thru out the entire phone conversation I went from thinking: he's making a gay come-on, to he's trying to sell me drugs, before realizing he was offering me a job with an internet company. Things are gonna be awkward in class this week.
I showed remarkable dignity in such a compromising situation. Except I came off as sort of a blue ball giver.
I feel like he knows I had a dream about him eating me out in the janitors closet at the holiday party. He's giving me THAT look.
I have been drinking since 2. And I'm now chasing the cat around the house with a light saber. Anna's helping.
They never prepare you for how broke ur gonna be in college. I just accepted money from two underage girls at a gas station to buy them beer only because I'm trying to figure out a way to run off with it without them noticing.
Dude, use it to buy them beer. Then run the beer to ur car as fast as you can and bring it to the party. Seriously, we're running out of booze over here
Its like a match made in avoid-eachother-because-we're-antisocial-and-awkward heaven
Lets have the type of night where its 5am and one of us has definitely punched someone who has been on a Disney Channel show.
She has the perfect pussy. Looks like a paper cut with a puff of cotton candy on top.
I JUST WATCHED PAULA DEEN PUT BUTTER IN HER BLOODY MARY. This is not a drill. Real life.
After 7 months of nothing.. shall we throw your vagina a party? as its reinstatement into society?
I'm sorry but the visual image of you suffocating on vagina is basically hysterical
Only you can make me eat tacos in your car, while naked, on a dead end road in a ditch on a Thursday night.
My cardio is walking around the office looking for free food.
Randomize
