Knee deep in strippers, everything is comped. will try hard to be there at 8. i promise.
dude just did a line with screech. dude is fucking creepy
Handcuffed. To. Steering. Wheel. Fuck.
She came back in her actual cheerleader uniform. Made a bad bj tolerable.
Just sucked my third dick in the past twelve hours. I must want AIDS.
And this is the part where I need you not to judge me. Remember that I have never seen a penis do that and that I have a weird sexual curiosity
so, she was so drunk she tried stabbing me with a corn dog stick
i could've stared at her spine forever man..she was so deep, and she made a drink out of vodka and organic mangoo shit. i will find her and present that goddess with some fucking gummies
you're no longer allowed out of my sight at parties
I though he and I knew each other well enough that we could go to my hotel room to do a bunch of cocaine together without their being any homoerotic implications, but NOOOOOOOOO!
Rebecca hasn't has this number in 3 months. Please tell all her friends to stop calling at 3 am. We are not interested in buying or selling drugs nor do we want to hook up with anyone. You all need to go to rehab.
He bedazzled a shirt for me that said "best head giver" should I be thankful for the gift or concerned that he has a bedazzler?
Why would you call when you knew I'd be having sex!?
Why would you answer?
I just walked in on my dad beating it.. There's not a fucking therapist in ARKANSAS that can help me with that!
You were like a drunk and unconscious tickle me elmo.
The bouncer just called me magically delicious... apparently I'm a lucky charm. hollllleeeerrrr!
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