I'll collect that couch/porn sloopy beedge tomorrow just FYI
So she puts out... but it wasn't worth it
i cant decide if i should go fuck j*** or keep watching real genius
you want to go make fun of the strippers on try out night
i got kicked out last time for laughing
overheard a conversation between 2 lesbians: 'back when I used to have dick sex...' oh, vegas, I so heart you
thats the mark of a good guy. when you can period all over his leg and he still thinks you're beautiful!
Just replaced the batteries in my vibrator without turning on the lights. I need to get laid.
No gay bar. My eyemake up looks like sex and Im using these dick daggers of mine tonight.
I can't finger myself when I'm all distracted about whether or not your family is going to like me
So from zero to dumpster fire, how shitty do you feel this morning? I'm hovering somewhere around trainwreck.
I fucking hate humanity. I met a twenty three year old adult with an aol email account today. I'm not sure how those things are related, but I'm sure they are.
Who loses their virginity to fucking Flo Rida
Let's get drunk and take out your tonsils tonight
You have to give it to him that he fucked me out of the dull weekdays.
You're going to love the baby's room.
I doubt it. I can't have sex there anymore. That severely limits the appeal of the room to me.
Randomize
