dude i just made a burrito by wrapping 2 packs of scooby snacks with a fruit roll up. im so high
He fucked volume into my hair. It was amazing.
Just got booked to do a bachelorette party for a polygamist wedding. And notice I only text you to rub things in your face and show you my life shits on yours. Daily.
My vagina senses are tingling. I know your here.
Just met me in 10 years...this lady keeps an emergency wine cooler in her bag
I'm hoping that banging a 24 year old 3 times cancels out banging that freshman on Wednesday
Everything's a blur with pockets full of jello
Our host-mom was rubbing her back sympathetically going "muy bien, chica" while she puked on the beach. So yeah, I think we got the best one.
And tan into my neighbor in the elevator. She was going to the gym. I was covered in mascara and dog hair eating a hash brown
He sent me a pic stitch collage of all the tit pics I had sexted him this month. It was so sweet!
My sobriety has gotten out of control. I think I need an intervention.
I give all credit to my lucky thong, there's never a time I haven't gotten laid while wearing it
I will pepper spray him so fast I don't even care
he took a fucking pitcher of koolaid and vodka to the bath with him... i wake up from my blackout to his roomate screaming cause he spilled it and passed out in the middle of a blood red tub. she thought he killed himself. jesus christ its only the first day of break and i already regret coming home
Fun fact: nipples work on touch screens. Tell your friends :)
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