Everytime she would start slurring, she'd stop, hold up a finger, wait like 30 seconds, then try again. I love drunk people
theres a boy scout troop on my plane. right now theyre playing wilderness games. let me just tell you how excited i am to hit on all of them
I dont think problem is the right word. Problems arent something you enjoy. Life would be too boring without gambling.
I was looking at some smoking pipes on amazon the other day and realized that work people could look at my history and do a drug test. So I immediately started looking at Sherlock Holmes hats.
Im really high right now and the vending machine is broken and giving out free candy. Please kill me, my life will never get better than this
I just need to actually convince myself that drunkenly having sex won't help me forget the last time I drunkenly had sex, it only makes the situation worse.
I'm hungover in the park, and some guy just handed me a business card for his church. I can feel Jesus' disapproval running through my fingertips
It's been a long time since I got "Talk about Glen's enormous penis" drunk
I miss the "How many Grindr hits can I get while performing in an elementary school?" game.
Whats proper etiquette for apologizing to your wife for being so drunk you stood up and pissed on the bedroom floor next to the bed?
this case of pbr just wont end. i keep finding more.
I just referred to our excessive fireball consumption as a team building exercise and everyone in group text agreed.
We're not alcoholics, we're a god damn team.
The difference between 22 and 28 is bigger than I realised. I had the urge to put on Spongebob and give him a cookie.
Oh my god my purse is too heavy for me to dance with boys cause it has too many stolen sink faucets in it
We blew shit up to. With a cannon.
Randomize
