Dude she has a fucking rock collection. Never will I ever talk to her again.
Dude. He put me on a rewards point system for his dick. I have to do him favors now to build up to winning sex. This is shit.
Well its kinda hard to gift wrap an orgasm
Dick in a box?
Think of it this way, instead of a puppy, we're getting a baby.
He stopped responding after the animal pictures... I do this EVERY TIME.
Fuck you, you can't judge me til you've smelt my boobs.
There's glitter in my speakers, piles of cheezits on the floor, a random Audi in the driveway and a homeless dude napping in a lawn chair in the backyard. Wtf happened last night?
Carson when you get home I want you to go downstairs and go into each bedroom and pick up the underwear and either throw it out or give it back to the people who own them. Look all over the room. Thank, Love Mom
Two drag queens are fighting over me. And yet the night is still getting weirder
All I want to do is get high and needlepoint. Fuck your judgement
Best feedback on my performance so far: "There are things that can't be unseen."
You sent 2 glasses of water to the table next us and told to the waitress they were on you. I repeat: water
I didn't want to hook up with him so I just jumped out of bed, yelled "I don't even believe in god!" and ran out of the room
my one night stand just gave me money "to buy a better vibrator" tis the season
The last time the Patriots won the Super Bowl I lost my virginity. I can only imagine what'll happen if they win this year.
Randomize
