just do it
fine only cuz shes asian
i would rim the shit out of meg ryan
I saw a penis in my cereal this morning. do you think my cheerios are like professor trelawney's tea leaves?
one can only hope.
I'm so turned on right now it's fucking stupid. I hate burger king commercials
didn't know how to tell his mom I was confused about how long we'd been together because we banged for a full year before making it official
I'm about to play Thunderstruck by myself, that way I'll always get the long thunder part.
nobody understands how my tooth became embedded in the ceiling last night.
Just once I'd like to do blow in a nice bathroom.
I am a 5'4" ball of sexual frustration and vodka. It is that kind of night.
I am honestly trying to remember his name. All I can remember is that he had a weird mole, a daughter and a lot of cocaine. Please stop letting me pick up at gay night.
Wore a burger king crown while giving head still drunk this morning #blessed
"Yeah because the first thing I think of when I hear the word college is tear gas."
Fell asleep on kitchen floor again, chicken nuggets everywhere.
I said, hypothetically speaking, if I was going to be having some rough sex Friday night, when WOULD be the best time for a massage, mother dear?
Unless my dick prospects improve this year’s Halloween costume will include panties with “DTF” written on them and a push up bra
Randomize
