This is your Morning Wood Report: I have it.
i thought he was 22...he said he was 25..he was 19...im 26..it doesnt count if you dont know right?
So for Valentine's Day...I finally swallowed. I feel like I earned that steak.
I wish i could call my weed and hear it ring. That's how i found my phone.
I need to remember that good judgment goes out the window after the 7th shot and the 3rd Lady GaGa song.
you know by doing this we are using dad as a drug mule right?
It's like the sisterhood of the traveling vaginas over here
i had a long naked conversation with the cop on why is everything fun illegal
Yeah, if you don't like strip clubs you won't like microwave chimichangas.
Well, I found the missing blow... in my fucking suitcase... THIS MORNING. Yeah, I flew from FL to NY with blow in my suitcase yesterday.
I told you to check, dude
Yeah, AFTER I checked my bag and I was already sitting on a plane. Oh well. I figured worst case I'd do like 15 hours in county and I was totally prepared for that anyways. I always prepare for that when we hang out.
No my first time having an orgasm with you will not be on face time
You were drunk enough to sled down a highway off ramp in your pajamas….
I hope you get a lego stuck in your dickhole
Crawl out into the sunshine and off your vibrator for 7 minutes
I'm too drunk to remember your name. I'm too drunk to recall where i'm currently at. And i'm too drunk to give a shit.
Randomize
