do u usually make out with people before telling them your name???
I need to find out who his wife is so I can fuck her before he gets to mine.
If you weren't supposed to have sex with your ex then they wouldn't rhyme.
Don't EVER smell your tampon
I'm pretty sure whiskey overrules bulimia in the eyes of Texas boys
He's still filling me in on the details. mid-table dance i asked to go water skiing?
This whole situation could've been avoided if you would've just let me open the beer
So if you ever need to know a guy who knows a guy who knows a guy that can put a 24oz beer can up his ass... Hit me up...
She passed out on the kitchen table with two mickeys forties duct taped to her hands. Clearly she is going to fit perfectly in your house this semester
Just had the best random sex ever with a girl I picked up from a pro choice rally uptown. God bless the Democratic National Convention.
Thing I said while arguing: I want to be single again so that I can have pizza and dick rained down upon me.
Pulling out all the stops on being a lady.
your body is your temple. do you really want a bunch of dicks in your temple?
How dare you not respond to me after opening up a picture of my bare breasts
the roommate is literally cooking green eggs n ham, and I'm too hungover to see straight. Dr Seuss nightmare.
He was fingering me and I came so hard that I actually broke his wrist. We're at the ER now.
Randomize
