Dude with the Beatles haircut just got his pilots license and wants to take us up to do a case race mid flight. Don't tell me networking is unnecessary.
The guy that just projectile vomited over the balcony is now going down to find the pill he just puked up. He said he wasn't about to waste $15.
We carried on a casual conversation about plants while I gave him a hand job.
Dude. Apparently I just smoked some stuff that's used for Nigerian spirit quests.
Apologies for hacking your facebook and posting that picture of you passed out hooked up to the IV...but we were sat with you on the ER floor for 3 hours, it got boring
So for future reference.... it's a little unnerving when I can't get hold of you, and the last communication we had was, "Oh fuck... It's tequila"
I've had balls on my face twice in last 48 hours and I STILL haven't got laid!
Do you think I could convince a doctor that my uterus is poisoning me? It wouldn't technically be a lie. It does more harm than good.
Who wrote "the chamber of secrets has been open, enemies of the heir beware" across my bathroom wall?
Yep, that just happened. My mom just gave me a big bag of drugs for my birthday. She even put them in a fancy bag with tissue paper.
you were bawling because you felt bad for being so drunk and then you asked for a beer
I don't want to go back to the suburbs. Being drunk in public isn't ok and theres too many children. Don't make me.
Also, your girlfriend apologized to me about yesterday. That was nice of the cunt.
Eating breakfast at 1:30 in the afternoon stark naked is how everyone should live
I went next door to get a can opener from them. They opened the door shirtless, asked me if I wanted to a smoke a joint with them. Then decided to make blueberry smoothies. But the yogurt in the blender & the berries, got confused when the berries blended into the yogurt and just kept adding more. Only stopped when we ran out of berries.
Randomize
