if you wake up with plaid pants on your floor in the morning, you made a bad decision.
please tell me if i'm home and in my bed
negative
come find me please
By getting ready I mean putting baby powder in my hair and possibly changing my pajamas to another pair of pajamas
I sat down with you and helped you write your will last night. I was THAT convinced that you weren't waking up.
His birthday is on fathers day. I know its a cruel coincedence but this is too funny to pass up.
I do. There's a bald headed guy whose kinda hot. I might rub his head. I've only had 2 beers
No, its ok. Im playing strip pretty pretty princess im currently dueling for the crown
I'm pretty sure I have a cold now from having sex on the hood of my car in the rain. Worth it? Absolutely.
Apparently, I showed up wrapped in caution tape and immediately jumped on the stripper pole and started making very sexual gestures at the birthday girl. We lasted ten minutes.
You told the cop you where the star of the Track team and tried to run away. So yeah, i'm not surprised.
I peed sitting down because I knew standing was a lost cause
I had a spiritual reading tonight and my dead grandmother called me a whore.
Also we had sex while listening to fleetwood Mac on vinyl. Like the 70s called and told me to fuck off
Is this a Beer, Vodka or Whiskey kind of problem solving night? It's imperative I stock accordingly.
Questions like that are why I love you.
Sunburned by dick at the nude beach. Bad. She tried to blow me. But. I. Just. Can't. Saddest day of my life.
Randomize
