Driving with balloons in your car is more annoying than that bubble fart that doesn't leave your ass after your previous fart.
He's trying to wipe up all the spilled drinks with a banana
I woke up at 3am naked and stroking a watermelon.
They were fighting, but then they bumped into the bong and it shattered. After that they just hugged and cried.
You always know it is going to end badly when a guy asks if he met you at a "coed naked lawn bowling party"
i don't know at this point bringing the fog horn might be a good idea...
there are ass prints on the hood of my car.
I take it that, because we are not guzzling a box of franzia, everything went alright?
Why did you load my phone up with pics of Al Gore?
i knew it was love when she pulled a beer out from between her boobs and offered it to me
I wanna say I regret bonging a beer while having sex with Mike, but it helped me get thru it.
Fyi - we're going to be eating those sandwiches in bed when you get home.
Your friend was nice but you didn't have to bang her in my kitchen...just sayin.
i think you might have coined the term "slightly awkward pyromania"
I would have wore underwear last night if I knew I had to change a tire this morning
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