I am not deleting the internet history anymore, now I am going for shock value.
I've been here 20 minutes and some creepy old man told me he wanted to know what my insides felt like. I hate gay bars.
He wouldnt stop screaming that he wanted a trashcan WITH a lid. Whats so necassary about a lid
I just dont think you can meet a stranger after youve heard them cum through the walls though
Also, turning on the light this morning was a 3 step process. Way too hungover.
I have no idea. But that is beside the point bc in vegas I'm a pro vball player from Ireland and a veterinarian on the weekends
Drunkenly bought a $240 realtor course last night. Apparently even drunk me thinks my future is going nowhere
Yeah I don't even know dude. This shit has reached new levels of ridiculous. Let's hope baby Jesus gallops down a rainbow on a sparkling unicorn and wills that bitch clean. I think that's the best chance we've got.
I'm taking tokes in the bath tub, come if you want, I'm naked and you have to bring chicken nuggets or else you can't come in
I literally was just rolling on the ground and said to her 'this is what dying looks like'
She's currently doing somersaults across the kitchen floor without underwear on. We may not make it to the bar.
I got his number because he was "impressed with how much I could handle"...I was chasing shots with Olive Garden breadsticks...
Woke up at noon, still drunk, naked, with another girl next to me. When she wakes up, I'm gonna have my SECOND lesbian experience with her. How's your 2015 going?
He's ruined me. Do you know how frustrating it is to know I'll never find another guy as tall and handsome and rich with as big of lips & booty, and cock as him who also rims and takes me on tropical vacations and buys me all the cocaine.
I'm sitting in Madison square park surrounded by children thanking god I took emergency contraception
Randomize
