Lol i'z typing this with my 962 nose
962=my?
Yeah.i
I remember why I come home for the holidays. Sam Adams is the cheapest beer in the fridge
Do you ever go through someone elses pictures and just appreciate the fact that youre not really friends with them?
she left out the fact that she had a kid until she told me not to suck on her tits too hard or milk would come out.
man, work is way more interesting with these acid flashbacks.
and thats when we got a drunken mammogram in the middle of cvs pharmacy
My new best friend is the drag queen who works at mcdonalds and doesnt judge me during my walk of shame coffee break
So what's going on?
We hit boys town to get stupid. I mean invading Iraq stupid.
His brother just asked him in all seriousness if it would be cool if they became eskimo brother brothers.
I feel badly that he has cancer, but this does not mean I am obligated to have sex with him. Again.
I felt kinda awkward walking into his house in nothing but lingerie and my dead grandmas overcoat
this is the second day the intern has gotten me coffee. he either wants to bang me or thinks I'm more important than I am.
either way he's in for disappointment
We are best friends because we can vomit simultaneously in the same toilet and not care
When I told the bartender it was my 21st birthday, he looked at me all pissed and said "But you've been drinking here as 21 for the past 2 years.." How do you THINK the night went?
So I take it free shots were a no after that?
We could just go to Vegas and celebrate my singlehood and not contributing to the population.
Randomize
