Boner jamz table deep. plus bar deep. wiing waing.
Her hair smelled like a rat dipped in mustard on fire
im stripping for him via video chat, but the sound is turned off cause his students are taking a test
Either he masturbated at the end of the bed or she gave him a bj. Either way my bed was shaking and I was uninvolved.
It's official, I've know hooked up with everyone I carpooled with in middle school
I just made a cocktail. Had one shot of vodka left. It looked lonely so I decided to reunite it with its vodka friends in my bloodstream.
Starting the day at 1:44 in the afternoon. With a hot pocket and a mixer. Who knew my life had this kind of possibility.
Doing the walk of shame and bringing my dad a newspaper en route. Favourite daughter status confirmed.
IDK DUDE BUT HE TIED IT WITH A SHOELACE SO I GOTTA FREE SHOELACE OUTTA THE DEAL. THIS GIVES A NEW MEANING TO LACED DRUGS
Again??? Now we can't ever fucking go there again STOP PEEING IN FOYERS
Maybe it's because I walked straight up to that shelf of vodka with a look of determination that said "I mean business".
I usually have to have a cart! If that doesn't say "I mean business" then I don't know what does
I asked to see his balls for medical purposes.
My bail money is reserved for people I either A, think were in the right, or B, have an awesome story that leads up to needing it. Just remember that before you call me.
I tried to find an emoji but none convey my excitement for receiving good sex soon
She told us she had powers and that eating tree bark cures the shits.
Of course he’s dumb. He’s got a 9 inch dick! There’s not enough blood in his body for a big dick and a big brain. It’s science
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