we should wear snuggies to the strip club
he showed up at my house with a hand-stiched sweater that said "girlfriend?"
we went through the mcdonalds drive through and you asked for a free sample of their fries to see how you liked them.
You had sex with him even after he literally described himself as a "coldplay guy"? There's a line you just don't cross. There is a line.
we literally spent four hours convincing you that all 5 of your toes were there. no more everclear on a tuesday.
just once i'd like the "right thing" and the "topless thing" to be the SAME THING
you got thrown out for pissing in a cup in the corner. you told one guy it was okay because you went to college and that he wouldn't understand
That awkward moment when the guy you hooked up on spring break invites you over for dinner to meet his parents and you say yes because the first rule of college is never turn down a free meal.
THE SHIT YOU GET YOURSELF INTO
Would it be sharing too much to tell you that my nipples hurt so much that I couldn't comfortably go down the stairs?
I told him if he wanted to lose weight he had to learn self control. Less than ten minutes after that I ate a cookie off the floor...
I'd cum for enchiladas.
I'm seeing double so when I get home can we have a threesome?
Do you think I could get someone from tinder to drive me to the airport?
Sexting just isn't as much fun once you learn how bad he is in bed...
snapping my married booty call and next thing I know a plan b ad pops up
Randomize
