honestly, who buys weed with an unemployment check?
you.
oh yeah. preciate
Im mastering the way to pass gas silently.
I don't know how to say this, but I think you're a fucking bitch and the sooner you die I'll be happier.
Sorry- wrong number! :)
i was just texting to let you know that my facebook chat is working again so you can talk to me more. please talk to me more.
Her vagina turned into a vuvuzela. I didn't know it was a possible to have a wet nightmare.
vodka bottle broke. scooping it out of the plastic tub with a shot glass into a sprite bottle using a ziplock bag as a funnel and straining the glass out with paper towels. good thursday night?
U owe me five dollars for that paper towel you bet i wouldnt eat last night
I'm sorry the first time we hungout you had to witness me throw up in the ocean then army crawl to shore.
Wtf. I just got invited to a threeway bj session in the bathroom at boiler. Lmao
We were Chugging coronas for the soul purpose of launching limes out of the 3rd story window, I'd say it was a good weekend
He's scared I want a relationship? How does texting him at three am and sleeping with four of my exes symbolize that?
Her next conquest seems to be stealing her ex-boyfriend's new girlfriend. Pretty sure everyone involved is totally OK with this.
Aside from having sex with a rando in a toga on george's couch i think taking plan b in the library is the most hashtag college thing i've ever done
Well I accidentally flashed a 76 year old woman, i'm in a house full of republicans and Im almost drunk enough to give the gay rights speech so i'd say this wedding reception is going great
woke up this morning to a baggy full of adderall and two redbulls..i'm gonna marry this guy one day
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