I had a dream last night that we were eating cake at Mercy...hahaha. I'm furious I didn't see you.
oh, also, we're locked out of the house and we're going to have to take shelter with the hot, poss single, dad next door. i hope this turns into a porno
new low: just stole a ciggarette from a bum sleeping on the side of the street.
ohh what kind?
Ya I got a cut on my head from the toilet seat last time I drank there.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She came over and gave me a handy and then just lingered for a day and a half. Worst weekend ever.
Dude. He put me on a rewards point system for his dick. I have to do him favors now to build up to winning sex. This is shit.
You sent 2 glasses of water to the table next us and told to the waitress they were on you. I repeat: water
It looks like a baby bear tried to chew off my nipples.
They're magnificent. It's like god made her last but hadn't fulfilled his boob quota.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Grilled cheese and shark week. Unemployment done right.
I mean you can one up her. Instead of ruining friendships you can ruin marriages.
I'm excited for him and his new girlfriend. I'm just going to miss his penis is what I'm saying.
I have an empty apartment, Chinese food, and fresh batteries in my vibrator. There's nothing on this earth that could lure me out tonight.
its the 14th virginity that counts the most anayways
WHY THE FUCK DOES RICKY'S BROTHER GET AN ENTIRE POT OF PASTA FOR BEING SHIRTLESS AND ALL I GET IS ARRESTED?!
Randomize