Can we have unprotected sex soon?
Don't quote me on that, I'm a walking boner
At least we lost an hour tonight! Less time to make a fool of myself
I just had sex in the back of an ambulance. Call me.
My low point of the night was when my roommate spit out her jello shot and i took it...
Just saw an Asian guy riding his razor scooter to class. Dreams do come true
you told all the 17 year old girls at the party that your mating call was "I glitter in the sun"
The manager of the bar we were at the night before came to my house today giving me coupons. Apperently you and i won karaoke night which is a prize of 300 beer dollars. No idea what beer dollars means nor do i have any memory of doing karaoke but lets go back tonight.
Dude you were so high some kid was kicking the wall and you were convinced it was your heartbeat
If there is a ladylike way to throw up in your favorite toilet, I just did it.
That's the last time I send a mass text invitation to smoke a blunt
You've never sent a girl a dick pic?
Call me old fashioned
that is either the most profound and meaningful thing i've ever heard, or someone got high before noon again.
So my family just woke up on Easter morning and shared a bowl. That's bonding😊
So I think I've successful blown my foot off in a way that's going to make you call me an idiot.
My husband just came over to kiss me and said, "careful, I got a block of cream cheese in my pocket"
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