Apparently I signed "I love you" on my bar tab last night.
She said she had a thing for dinosaurs. Come get me now
Some asshole just brought BK into my summer class, im already high as hell, i did not need another way to not pay attention
We had sex in the woods. It was great until some bird started mimicking my orgasm sounds
her night didn't end so well, both of her boyfriends got arrested... together.
The pet store wouldn't sell us fish because they said they could tell we were drunk.
i just saw you make out with a girl with facial hair...just thought i would document that in case you forgot
She just fell in the river. Meet us downstream with the bottle.
You have proved your worthiness to join me on the quest of taking shots at every academic building on campus by showing up drunk to our test at 12:30 today
No need to get angry I'm just tryin to get my door back
TAing a class of 300 froshies and being so hungover I forgot a bra is my way of making dreams come true.
I would watch the shit out of some full house right now.
She is the absolute last thing I would want to screw. Honestly. Fellating a porcupine. Higher on the list.
In light of this week's heat-wave, we are having a house vote tonight on the temporary suspension of the "no smoking indoors" clause. Please bring your voting cards to the living room at 6:30pm
Point of Clarification: by "voting card" we mean a full beer and/or shots
He made me cum via FaceTime, then he made me look at his stock investment charts..
Randomize
