On my way home i need to take a massive dump and couldn't wait.
i cant believe u jumped in someones trunk just to get out of talking to me
I don't remember. Are we still dating?
watching espn. realized that the exact place those sportcenter guys are is where I got laid on the beach last superbowl. my sex spot is broadcasted nationwide
I'm not sure if what i'm hearing downstairs is sex or not, but if it is, it sounds like there's a dog involved...i'm mildly concerned.
Your ass just called me, someone was yelling "awful waffle" and also, " I don't know who's hands are who's anymore"
She better not be too drunk to operate a blowtorch
Definately laid on the floor of the shower this morning drinking the water as it fell on me.
There was a note in my hello kitty underwear telling me "don't go over 9000"
he asked if i wanted their team name to be " Amandas angels" or " Fuk budies" either way an intermural softball team of all my hook ups from spring semester is just depressing. convenient but depressing
at one point i was feeding a guy sour cream chips and he made me make the "choo choo" noise as they were going in. \ni feel so much closer to him now.\n
I've been asked to reupholster their slam-couch so I found some off-cuts of medical-grade, hermetically sealed fabric. She'll be slammed upon for generations to come.
I need dunkaroos back in my life.
Sundays were made for eating Ramen pantless in bed.
The brides mom put a 6 year old in charge of me to make sure I don’t get too drunk before the wedding
Randomize
