I told my girl, that I use to jerk off to Star Trek. All she says is, "Oh my gawd, you're such a trekie!". If I was her, I'd be weirded out more than me being a Trek Fan.
It's offcial there's a Bobby Light radio station on pandora.
I can'nr wwn explain this nihght . So amnt dixks. Shitttttt.
just used my nephews bottle to take my birth control
If I weren't her cousin I'd take advantage of her and this low point in her life.
Well u missed Autumn's newly 21 yrs old sister flashing her tits and standing on the bar last night.
Did you get an erection too during Paul Ryan's speech?
The cop told us he we helped him pass his monthly bong quota. He almost ran out of room on the hood of his car..
I'm in the freezer. Shit took away any trace of hangover outa my body.
I think I reached some stage of aging, have a sore/injured shoulder from sex, next up carpal tunnel from sexting.
THE MAINTENANCE MEN WERE DOWN STAIRS AND I THOUGHT THEY WERE MY MOM. I'VE BEEN YELLING 'GRILL ME A CHEESE' AT THEM FOR HALF AN HOUR
Waking up at a teachers house is a very confusing thing
So... I may have accidentally just sat on a strip of a home waxing kit.. naked... Assistance is definitely needed....
He was calculating the number of ceiling tiles when I was on top it was fucking rain man.
Grandpa just whipped it out and started pissing on the way to the game stuck in traffic. I saw EVERYTHING. :(
Randomize
