she just took a shower. i'll probs go down on her to encourage shower taking. it's like pavlov, you know?
dont worry, it'll just be a conversation starter like "why did you get that pierced?" or "wow, i got arrested there too"
You guessed 7 of 8 bra sizes correctly. You're like a drunk rainman.
I just walked by a party bus on my way to study. God hates me.
Nothing like a Mormon bachlorette party to make you feel slutty
I CAME HOME WITH MY NIPPLES PEIRCED! WE WERE CAMPING. IN THE MOUNTIANS. I DONT EVEN REMEMBER IT AT ALL.
Oh my god he's laying on a longboard singing the song from cool runnings.
You're about to makeout with my vagina, I don't think she cares that you haven't brushed your teeth. Just get over here!
Ah, drunk me ordered sushi at 3 a.m. for sober me's lunch the next day. EXCELLENT
I have a strong contender for the new number 1 position for fwb. He met me at the door with pizza and a shot of patron
He wouldn't stop calling me so I sent him a text saying "I'm dead. Dead. Leave me alone." And he replied with "so can I see you then?"
he accidentally put it in my ass, i liked it but didn't tell him that and "accidentally" took his weed.
he answered his phone during sex and left to go help that drama queen with her latest bullshit. I'm drinking all his vodka. it's asshole tax
Happy 4 year arrest-aversary! I promise no thanksgiving has been as eventful as that one haha..
they call themselves the foursome.. thats def means they're up for one right?
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