We walked past a group of guys in front of a bar last night and they claimed, I quote: Wow, we'd actually have to work for that.
My Vagina smells like Nemo again.
What'd you guys eat?
Literally everything that was frozen.
On the way home from Florida I threw up at the beginning border and ending border of 6 states. You win this year Spring Break.
Your exhaustion is probably due to your rampant sexual urges and the fact that you live the same life as a raccoon.
I figured working in my office on the 34th floor I'd be safe railing xanax off my desk. Of course, I snort it just in time for the window washer guy to give me a thumbs up.
I woke up this morning with a tampon in my nose and food EVERYWHERE...
Great news. Our sex broke my otter box
I feel like a pile of chihuahua shit that got eaten by a Great Dane who puked it up and then set it on fire.
My feelings for him are donzo molonzo but I can't turn down a pierced penis...
Tackling and headbutting friends, running away and hiding from everyone, attempting to streak across campus, and then waking up with no sign of a hangover... happy 21 to me
last night i fell off a barstool and busted my nose. i can regretfully say that i didn't see cherub last night.
Everything is covered in gelatin and pam cooking spray. Jesus be a shield.
i've hit rock bottom. Eating pringles and playing taylor swift on guitar in my underwear at 11am on a wedensday morning. Sober.
I have a lot of money, and no morals. shots on you when you get here.
Randomize
