Just saw cops pull over the ice cream truck. What a dick
he borrowed my computer and saw his name in my recent google searches. Things got awkward real fast.
There's a girl in front of me with a see through white shirt on and her back says I suck bad dick. Fun night hun?
She put her phone in her underwear and it somehow managed to work it's way into her vagina. she has a BLACKBERRY.
What did you wear last night? Because I'm pretty sure there are atleast 4 Facebook statuses about your walk of shame.
You crawled through a doggy door 5 times for a shot if cheap vodka.
If we can't get laid at a bar crawl, we should just quit life.
I didn't know where we were going to start fucking, so I just strategically hid condoms all over the house before he came over.
Ask him to get me chedder bratwurst instead of the molly
Unless if you guys already left. Then I want the molly
Just sitting in the tub googling "how to remove sharpie from skin". You?
By the way can you translate "sorry, she played you bruh" to Spanish? Some Hispanic guy who spoke absolutely no English callled me last night and when I tried to tell him he had the wrong number the response was "como? No no no no...." And then click. He was gone
Went as "Party on, Wayne." And left as, "Partied out Wayne in a foot boot with new medical bills." Fuck Halloween...and vodka.
You thought they were asking for volunteers for a karaoke contest so you jumped up not realizing it was actually a "last 3 minutes boxing match". But you took that right hook like a champ.
I just wanna know if were done hooking up so I know of that condom he left in my top drawer is fair game
My boobs weigh the same amount as 25 pancakes
Randomize
