that last vodka shot was definitely the straw that broke the camels alcohol tolerance level
That's why there are breakfast margaritas.
Well someone has to be the Christmas slut at the family dinner. I suppose it's my year to fill those shoes.
In mid-threesome, need more condoms. Wearing a sheet to the gas station. I'll keep you posted
it is a toga and you are a goddess.
Remind me to switch to jello when you decide to do shots off my ass. It's so much easier to clean than this pudding.
We won't have time to talk.. I'll be rolling you a blunt and you'll be getting naked.
On the way out the door to work grabbed the wine glass on the floor left for the ghost of Elijah and chugged it. PASSOVER.
You fucked two dudes in the same night and still went home to your cats. How does that happen?
You threw up on his face 22 hours ago and now he's here holding your hand. I think he likes you.
I'm just gonna put on a documentary and throw up
So the bar crawl I'm on is a "90s bar crawl" and I made the joke about a few overweight girls that "lack of concern for your weight is so 90s" it did not end well
Idk if I deserve a medal or a one way ticket to hell
Just had a smooth transition from sexting to buffalo chicken dip 😂😂😂
Your skills amaze me
Do you think it would be weird to add her on Facebook?
You just commited a felony act together, I honestly think we're beyond this.
she said. She was going to, and I quote, "put her vagina inside my dick".
Randomize
