I wasn't fucked. I was just drunk, because i was still able to walk into the woods and masterbate.
You don't even know the meaning of faking an orgasm until you sleep with an uncircumcised ginger.
She made me cum so hard I couldn't hear for half an hour after
Hands down the most disgusting picture message ever received. Thank you.
im here for your entertainment
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i had to take off my light up shamrock necklaces, my professor was getting suspicious.
Im going to hell in a hand basket. With a ribbon tied to my head. I'll be like a puppy for the devil.
Bring gay.
By that I meant the rum. I just realized that my request made no sense. You always bring gay.
You disappeared for 10 minutes. Then came back with nothing but your boxers and a life jacket on to tell us we were all screwed when the flood came and you would be the only survivor.
He's carved the words "SLAM STATION" into his headboard...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I put ketchup in a girls hair last night. I need a sorry balloon
So his roommate walked in on us, went upstairs to tell her bf she has found a new use for the rafters & they must try it.
You know that text I sent you last night at 2? That was 5 minutes before I ran face first into a wall of not okay
You need to get a passport so we can carry our bad decisions over the border
Being high is definitely not the perfect addition to this family dinner. No. My grandma trips me the fuck out.
We're getting a bucket of chicken and screwing around, so no, you can't join us.
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