i just google searched 'can you pop your ovary'
Just saw a guy wearing pink jeans and i bet he's straight. Fuck 2009.
you came downstairs saying you were now 'dressed to impress'
what was i wearing?
nothing
I dont think punching her boob is the type of reverse psychology that will get her to blow you.
I just hotboxed my laundry basket.
does pizza still have the 5 second rule in the bubble bath?
Got drunk and tried to deep fry burritos. Turns out wild turkey isn't a good replacement for vegetable oil. Nearly burned my house down.
Sober people should be as daring as drunk people more often, because honestly the fact you’ve lived so long is a sign that anything is possible.
As I fucked him you stood outside my door screaming, "I'M NOT JUDGING YOU!" over and over.
I was judging you.
But the drunk streaking fizzled when one of jake's friends took a piss while running with a massive erection.
I actually had to tell him that sex doesn't replace my Tupperware. Our relationship has reached a weird level.
Ah, but I don't wear underwear. Every day is Commando Wednesday.
Dude I'm hungover as fuck in a bed in Baltimore with another man... I don't think I can make it.
Holding your hair back while you puked wasn't a choice. I was handcuffed to you.
They walked into the house to see me in my neon pink knee high socks trying to pull you out of the cat carrier by your legs...
...this is why fuck buddies should be only for grownups.
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