So it's 10:55am and I just woke up on the floor in the hallway on the4th floor. There should probably be no moredrinking competetions.
Roller skating + drunkeness + peeing = mess
neither the pictures you took nor my hangover explain why there are skittles in my shoe
i don't know what the guinness world record is for longest time eating nothing but skittles but i'm going on six days
Pretty sure that drunken football on the back porch with 6 guys with a champagne bottle was a bad idea....
The kid I'm babysitting just asked if I had a boyfriend. WHY IS A FOUR YEAR OLD MAKING ME FEEL BAD ABOUT MY LIFE
Not only is it unacceptable to be bar hopping alone at 5 o'clock. It is definitely unacceptable to do so with a lobster
I woke up with a pinecone in my hair. A full pine cone.
It's really not cool dreaming about going into labor with your ex boyfriends love child as you're sleeping next to him.
You're a Heat fan? You lose any chance blowjob bc of your poor choice.
I "liked" his changed relationship status just to show him I'm ok with the fact he found someone not as pretty as me
One last thing: he lists glow sticks and tacos as things he can't live without. How would we not be friends??
I am still awake. And let me sing you the song of my people. Ahem. "I have a bottle of hydrocodone and you all can fuck off."
I'm on the Coaster ride of shame, currently sitting across two nice old ladies smelling like condoms.
congratulations on joining the accidental bisexual club
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