i almost got kicked out of the rave because i was trying to get in on some couple's makeout sessions
you came home soaking wet, and when I asked where your umbrella was, you pulled it out of your bag and were so proud you kept it dry.
I just saw someone EAT a flashcard out of frustration. Finals suck.
Dude, I fucked her last night with nothing but my bandana on. Like straight Indian chief style.
Passing out is just my bodies way of protecting my liver.
I found your knife. It was stuck in my bedroom ceiling.
The taxi driver was going on about how many drunk chicks want to sleep with him when he drives them home. Not sure if he was bragging or hinting
Hey. I can't work your space dryer so I'm wearing your blanket home. I'll get my clothes later. Fun party!
We lost you in the mall, but to no surprise we found you waiting in line to sit on santas lap. You said you wanted to ask him for a pound of weed and a subway giftcard for xmas.
You were outside cuddling a rock singing Bohemian Rhapsody.
I can always pull a half day at work too. My boss makes exceptions for drug use. Lol. I fucking love my job.
I've done dumber things than this for flimsier reasons. Come with. If I pull it off I need a witness, and if I fail I need an escape plan.
Can't. Way too high. Forgot how to operate doors. Stuck outside.Come get me.
If we hadn't just agreed to no commitment, i'd totally propose right now. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
My boss walked into my office and gave me a toothbrush and tips for dealing with sex hair. She knows what’s up
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